BIRTHDAY POST YEAHHHHH

ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY YO!
For the sake of my birthday, I am finally going to write a post after so long.

Fell down ON the stairs at home yesterday yesterday. Leg got slightly swollen and bruises here and there. Not the worst injury to date. Learnt the dolphin style during swimming lesson after giggling ridiculously loud at someone swimming the dolphin style cos it looked stupid before.

Was supposed to go to Sentosa to suntan yesterday so I bought fruits and packed them in a paper bag and brought it to school. And the worst that could happen happened. IT FUCKING RAINED. Drenched in rain water. Paper bag giving way. Slipped and fell down the stairs A-fucking-GAIN. Landed on my butt haha. Went to back to Khatib, cold and wet.

TODAY. Is my birthday. I am working for the first time today. So I don’t feel like it’s my birthday at all! I am much more nervous and maybe a little excited about work. I can’t believe I’m turning 18!!! Early this year I was thinking of throwing a small party to celebrate my 18th birthday (cos apparently it’s more important than any other birthdays) but here I am, thinking about work. How I wish today isn’t the 24th of November.

Sometimes birthdays frighten me because I realize I am getting old and sad but I secretly like presents and wishes as if I am still a little kid. But I will not rest at ease with my birthday spent like this, all wasted. Actually, I tend to give people the impression that I am indifferent to my birthday but I am a big fat liar. I want to be covered with piles of birthday gifts but only popular people get that. So I go into this ‘indifferent’ mode and don’t make a huge fuss out of my birthday. And also other people’s birthdays. I only realize how I should care about people’s birthday on my birthday. What a stupid thing to say. I don’t think I’m making sense.

Okay I have to sleep and not think about anything anymore. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!! / ?

BOREDOM KILLS.

I’M SO FREAKING BORED RIGHT NOW.

Usually when I’m bored, I’d find something to do. But I HAVE something to do which is the thing everyone hates, holiday homework. And I’m supposed to be rushing through this because school’s gonna reopen soon. But no! I’m not rushing through homework because I’m too damn bored and I don’t feel like doing it. Rah. I hate being bored. Is there a fear of being bored?

BORED BORED BORED BORED.

So here I am, blogging, instead of doing my homework, in hope that blogging would cure my boredom. Is it working?????

NOPE. STILL BORED STILL BORED STILL BORED.

Okay let me tell you a secret. I secretly like to look at myself in the mirror and mouth words like I’m talking to myself. LOL.

Ok great I feel a little entertained.

Hmm I’m still falling asleep here.

I wanna do outrageous and crazy things. Not like partying or drinking, that’s just lame. You get drunk and you kinda have no idea what you’re doing or what’s going on. I mean BIG things. Like traveling, going for social events, mountain climbing, picking up a new language, or just things that are out of the ordinary. Setting up a new business? Getting more involved in the outside world especially? I feel that there’s a need because I constantly feel like I’m a little girl in a huge huge world. And I’m 18, not 12, BUT 18!!!! 18 year olds get control on their lives. Like getting new credit cards, or learning how to drive or getting a new car even, getting a job, enjoying life with friends, yada yada. But what am I doing? STUDYING. How is this even helping me to grow up?!! Anyone can study. You don’t need skills to remain in a school, just don’t be a rebel. I guess this is one of the disadvantage you get from choosing the path of Junior College. You don’t get exposure to the outside world, the world where adults earn their living from.

I’m guessing I can’t wait to leave JC. But I’d be afraid for the outside world, for I have no idea what’s in store for me.

Who’s gonna stick around?

Hmm.. Just wondering about a different thing that’s bugging me for quite awhile. Look at your friends. Who will be there for you when you need help? Or when you need a listening ear to hear your troubles? Who will comfort you when times are tough? At the end of the day, who’s gonna stick around?

I feel that making close friends is really tougher than when I was young, when everyone was so innocent.

Even when you had close friends, they will have other friends. Then who’s gonna be there for you? Everybody’s gonna have somebody.

Still figuring what this means. Maybe I’m too insecure and paranoid. :/

Friends always have friends.

ALLCAPS!

I am currently listening to ALLCAPS, a not-so-famous band which started in YouTube, consisting of members Luke Conard and Kristina Horner.

I watch their videos all the time because they are so entertaining! And not to mention, their music is DA BOMB. They sing songs about pokemon, zombies, The Hunger Games (OMGG), lost and other nerdy stuff.

Their song genre is electronica and even though many songs are like that, I listen for the lyrics first and they both blend in together to fuse into some sort of cute and happy music. Even though they use autotune sometimes, I think they should be acknowledged for their efforts and talent in music. It’s not that they can’t sing, it’s just that autotune makes the song better, I suppose.

And take a look at the lyrics! It’s all so simple and yet meaningful. It’s hard to express feelings in concise words AND THEN make it into a song. I think I’m so grateful to have found them because they make awesome music and should make even more. And they even made their own music videos.

I like their music videos because it is homemade and honest and simple, not like crazy effects and all that. Sometimes I don’t even get some of the popular music videos o.0 I’m so glad there’s not many people who know of this band, if not things would have changed and so will the music. But I really think they should bring their popularity up further because they are awesome talented people who deserve a name in the music industry. I’m so proud to say that they are my second fav band!!! (scraped Paramore off that placing, eww)

Go visit them at YouTube and watch their videos!!! <33

Kristina Horner
www.youtube.com/italktosnakes

Luke Conard
www.youtube.com/lukeconard

Escaping.

I think I have an ‘escapist mentality’. I don’t even know if it sounded correct, I just made it up. I have this really bad habit of avoiding/escaping from problems. Well, watching movies is one. It helps me avoid thinking about the problems I am facing. I don’t know if this is a bad/good/neutral habit, but I know it isn’t very nice. =/ like for the fact that I am escaping by skipping school tomorrow again. I am escaping because of undesirable circumstances. Which is bad because I have to face my own problems and deal with them. And escaping them isn’t gonna help. I think I have to do this less often.

Skipping School

Guess what? I am going to attempt to skip school later! It’s now 3.15 am and I haven’t slept yet after lying in bed for 2 hours already. Here’s my plan: I’m gonna stay up until 5.30, that’s the time when I actually ‘wake up’ and I’m gonna tell my parents that I haven’t slept and I’m gonna be very tired in school if I go to school without sleeping. Plus I already have runny nose so I can act like a zombie and also stomache. And then of course I have to convince my mom that I don’t have academic lessons later which I actually do. Which is boring. -___-

I feel like skipping school cos I would be tired later and also to take a break from school esp. since I was so stressed out last night from making friends at school. I find making friends really tiring because it’s kinda fake. =/ I want to put school aside for a while and maybe go for a swim or something. Swimming calms me down.

What would people do?

Hmm. So here I am. Sitting all alone. Waiting for 1030 to come. I wonder what would people do if they were me in my situation. I’m kinda sad that I’m about to cry because I don’t have friends in my group BUT I’M NOT GUNNA! Even though I’m not like some outgoing extrovert, at least I’m like me. And I WOULD do it MY WAY.

Update

Sooooooo… I haven’t been up to much lately… Just staying @ home, watching movies everyday, slacking… Not going out… But I have a reason for that!

It’s cos school is reopening soon and I don’t want to go out anymore. Usually that’s what I do. To keep me in the “school” mood.

I have another reason for that, it’s because I’m tired of asking people out. It’s always me taking the initiative of asking people out, trying to keep us in contact. I’m tired of doing that! I don’t care anymore. If u’re in my life, then great. If u’re not, then U do something about it, not me. >:(

Everytime, just before school reopens, I’d get nervous and scared because my freedom is ending and school is starting. When I go back to school, I’d have to face people and make friends. Making friends is TIRESOME to me. It’s so tiring, having to make sure I don’t look too unfriendly. It’s so tiring because it’s fake. But it’s something I have to deal with because it’s life! I know people say, just be yourself. But first impression is everything. Well, I don’t know. Maybe I’ll just try being me.

I have made new year resolutions and the most important one is: to enjoy life!!! La joie de vivre, the joy of living! I will take myself out there and experience all I can. Experience hardships, happiness, awkwardness, openness. By doing so, I will join a sports CCA so I can meet more people. and also keep fit. I will be more daring in meeting people and I will bring myself forward. Cheers to the new year!

Things that piss me off/irritate me

I’ve decided to write a short post about things that piss me off, even though I’m supposed to sleep or at least try by 2am. Oh look it’s already 220 -_- I’ll try to keep it short.

Things that make me wanna go xjjsxhjsnxjdishxhdbsjjn!!!!!!:

1. People who type like this: HaHa I aM sTuPiD
Or like this: What ? I’m not stupid !
Okay maybe u’re not, but typing like this makes u look stupid and dumb. It’s so annoying, why can’t u type normally instead of irritating people, WHY DO U HAVE TO DO THIS TO ME ? -_-

2. Watching movies with people who already know the story and they tell u what’s gonna happen before it comes out. This makes me want to punch them. So freaking bad. U have no idea.

3. People who talk during movies.
They usually go: “Why is she doing that? She can’t do that! What’s happening? What is she doing?!”
Please. Stop talking. If u wonder why people don’t watch movies with u, it’s because u’re NOISY. OBNOXIOUSLY NOISY!!! And u are annoying everyone in the cinema. So just please, watch movies alone until u can keep ur mouth shut. JUST SHUT UP AND WATCH ALREADY.

4. People who ask stupid questions.
My mom is guilty of this crime. She always asks, “What are u doing?” even though she’s like looking at me and fully aware of what I’m doing. I think I’m guilty of this crime also, but I’m subconsciously doing it. But it’s sooooo annoying when she asks me again after I don’t reply her. :@

Happy Happy Happy Happy Happity New Year!

Happy New Year 2011!

As the new year comes taking over the old year, I just want to say, a big FUCK U to 2010, for being such a horrible year.

I spend most of my time in school, studying and stuff. The only bad(worst) thing that happened to me this year is fucked up Project Work.

I have never imagined myself actually surviving through it all. I didn’t think about the end of it, I just tolerated my way through.

It was so damn fucking hard trying to work with other people. It’s beyond my capability of expressing the toughness into merely words. It’s like gritting my teeth everytime and it even disturbs me for the rest of the day with me thinking, “What should I do? What will they think of me? Should I apologize to her? It’s all my fault I know it.” It’s so bad it haunts me. Guilty as charged.

I know I was partly to blame for all the mess because I didn’t contribute A LOT to the project. But did it even occur to them that I was not included in the group and things don’t get passed to me? It’s like they don’t acknowledge my presence but they expect me to be there. Wtf.

Anyway, put all that aside, I don’t ever want to go back there again. The memories are all fuzzy and hard to recall. I think bad memories don’t suit my brain so it removes itself from it. Haha.

Being the optimist that I am, I tend to ignore the bad things in life and enjoy the happier moments I have!

So, let’s look at what awesome things I have done in 2010:

1. Survived PW (WAY TOO AWESOME)

2. Volunteered at SCMS 2010

3. Failed my subjects terribly and forced to retain next year.

4. Helped someone with prom makeup for the first time and gotten awesome Kikky. K notebook.

5. Made new friends.

6. Survived awkwardness in countless awkward situations.

7. Watched tons of moovies!!!

8. Last day of school = birthday, not awesome but everyone in school remembered my birthday, kinda!

9. Went to two trips, one after another.

10. Made a temporary passport after missing my flight cos it expires in less than 6 months. 11. Taxi fare = $40+ 12. Carried no luggage for the first time when checking in.

13. Removed some jerk as a friend and my life is happier.

14. Stopped Facebook. Seriously. And my life is awesomer.

15. Social networking world restricted to only Twitter and Tumblr and WordPress. Still happy.

16. Discovered NaNoWriMo.

17. Became an active YouTuber. YouTube is the new TV.

18. Thought of making YouTube videos.

19. Discovered AllCaps. Awesome band. I love them to bits. <3

20. Discovered and read The Hunger Games Trilogy. AWESOME READ! But can cause flooding of tears.

21. Gotten a basket full of nail polishes (50 over polishes!)

22. Bought my first pair of ankle boots @ Bangkok, only $18 SO PRETTY!

I don't know if there are other awesome things I've accomplished in the past year, my memory isn't good but this is what I came up with

I really really really hope 2011 would be better. I wish school would be much more smooth-sailing for me and I would get better grades, meet new good friends, and just enjoy life without worries. Even though I am a happy-go-lucky person, I do worry about little things and they would ruin my entire day. I would worry about things like orientation, starting of school etc etc. Maybe I should force myself to calm down and I'd be less nervous.

Lastly, I just hope that 2011 would be an awesome and amazing year for me. I wish that I could be more of an extrovert instead of an introvert!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! I'm welcoming 2011 with my first blog post of the year.